


Premonition

by rxvenreyes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ark AU, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-31 23:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3996847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxvenreyes/pseuds/rxvenreyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Fate works in curious ways. Knowing what is to come can sometimes lead to changes. Other times, fate finds a way to intervene regardless. The weight of knowledge can be a heavier burden to carry than the fear of the unknown if you can’t do anything to stop impending tragedies.</em><br/>After leaving Camp Jaha, Clarke falls asleep in the dropship and wakes up on the Ark in the past – or had it all been just a dream? It’s quickly forgotten when Clarke falls back into the safety and normalcy of life on the Ark. Eventually, déjà vu rears its head and Clarke begins to wonder whether her dream was just that or something that carried a greater meaning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghosts

The air was growing colder as Clarke walked through the forest, straying farther and farther away from Camp Jaha. With each step she took, Clarke felt the feeling of numbness and disconnect that she had been experiencing for a long time slowly begin to clear. She was becoming acutely aware of herself and her surroundings, where before it had felt as though she was running on auto-pilot. The survival of her people had been the only thing on her mind for so long. Now that the surviving members of the 48 were safe inside Camp Jaha with Bellamy watching over them she didn’t know what to feel. Her emotions were warring with each other. First relief, then overwhelming sadness, then anger… Over and over they changed and shifted as her mind replayed the last few weeks. The most prominent feeling was exhaustion. It felt as though she had lived a thousand years in the span of mere days.

It had been more than a few hours since she had left camp and the weight of her actions was still heavy on her shoulders. She had left because she needed a reprieve, some sort of absolution. Before she had that, she couldn’t face her peers. It hurt far too much and she was tired of hurting.

Clarke pushed through a patch of overgrown ferns, damp from the melting snow, and found herself in the clearing where the dropship stood. With a layer of ash still coating the surroundings and the bones of both friend and foe surrounding her, the place looked dead and unwelcoming. Once upon a time, though, it had been home for Clarke. Remnants of all the work that she and Bellamy had put into their camp still remained. Blackened tent poles were scattered about, some still standing up as skeletons of the homes they once supported.

Clarke’s foot kicked at a bent tin cup that had been discarded as she made her way into the abandoned dropship. It had since been cleaned of anything useful, likely by Grounder scavengers. Her fingers delicately brushed over the scratch marks in the metal wall where she, and later Bellamy, had marked off the number of days since the dropship had crashed to Earth. After being captured by Mount Weather, however, it had been impossible to keep track of. The concept of time simply wasn’t important when war was imminent and the lives of your friends were hanging in the balance.

On the third level of the dropship, she came across a tattered piece of parachute. Clearly not in good shape, whoever had cleaned out the dropship figured it wasn’t of any use. Clarke, feeling absolutely exhausted (when was the last time she had truly slept? She couldn’t even remember), crawled underneath it. The dirty red canvas barely covered her body, but it would do for the night. She would continue on her journey tomorrow, she decided. She had no clear idea of where she was going, but anywhere far from the battlefields that had plagued her short time on the ground would be fine.

It was here that she fell asleep, truly and deeply for the first time in so long, surrounded by the ghosts and ashes of the past two months.

~

Clarke felt warm as she stirred, curling a heavy woolen blanket between her fingers. Before she opened her eyes, she noticed a strange, familiar smell. It was the smell of stagnant, recycled air with a hint of metal. There was no freshness, no sharp pine or the moist smell of dirt wet from the rain ( _petrichor_ , Bellamy had once described it). Instead the air around her was almost sterile. Slowly, she opened her eyes, blinking fiercely to clear her vision. Despite the darkness, she realized that she was no longer in the dropship. Clean, slate-grey walls of steel surrounded her, with nearly every inch covered in aged sketching paper. Clarke’s eyes danced from page to page, recognizing the romanticized charcoal sketches of earth. Panicked, she threw back the dark grey blanket and jumped up from an old steel framed bed. She clutched at her chest, feeling her racing heart and quickened breaths as she looked down at the dark grey Ark-issued pyjama tank top and sweat pants she was wearing.

Somehow, she had fallen asleep in the dropship and had woken up in Alpha Station.

Clarke’s mind was racing – who had brought her back? Bellamy was the only person she had told that she couldn’t stay in Camp Jaha. She knew, without a doubt, that he would respect her wishes, no matter how much he didn’t like them. However, it was inevitable that he would’ve told the rest of the camp, particularly her mother, where she was. Clarke, having regained enough composure to think, pushed open the bedroom door and strode out into a spacious kitchen area. This was the same apartment she had lived in while growing up on the Ark. She recognized her mother, Abby, whose back was turned towards her. Clarke noticed how clean her hair was, tied neatly back in a French braid. She was wearing her turquoise blue surgical scrubs, and her black boots were without a single nick. Clarke frowned in confusion. Sure, they had ways of washing their clothes on the ground, in the river, but no one had been truly clean, as Abby was now, since landing on Earth.

“Mom?” Clarke called out, feeling more and more like she was in some alternate reality.

“Clarke!” Abby gasped, wheeling around with her palm placed flat against her heart, “You startled me!”

Clarke looked down at the cool metal floor beneath her bare feet for a moment before meeting Abby’s gaze again. There was a look of concern on her face as she moved closer to Clarke.

“What are you doing up so early? Are you feeling all right?” Abby asked, her hand coming up as if to feel Clarke’s forehead for her temperature. Clarke stepped back out of her reach,

“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine, I…” Clarke stuttered. Her thoughts were racing a mile a second, when she came to a sudden realization, “What day is it today?”

“It’s Thursday…” Abby answered slowly, “Are you sure you’re feeling okay, honey? You’re pale.”

“No, what’s the _date_ today!” Clarke ignored her, urgency in her voice.

“It’s September 12… A month before your sixteenth birthday…”  She replied, slower than she would speak to even her most disoriented patients. Her eyes narrowed as she studied Clarke with worry.

“Right…” Clarke whispered weakly. September 12, 2148 – a year before the dropship launched a hundred juvenile delinquents on a suicide mission to Earth, or so Clarke had experienced. The concept of reality had completely left her as she tried to make sense of the situation. The dropship, the grounders and mountain men, the war… Had it all just been a dream?

“Clarke, honey, stay home and get some more sleep. You don’t’ have to go to school today.” She heard Abby say. She shook her head.

“No, really, I’m fine. I just… woke up funny…” Clarke explained lamely, trying and failing to come up with a reason as to why she was acting so strange.  Abby’s eyes were practically slits as she scrutinized her daughter, but decided to let it go.

“Okay… I have to get to medical and prep for a surgery, but stop by my office after school for a minute and let me know how you’re feeling.” Abby told her, grabbing her coffee mug off of the counter. She placed a quick kiss to Clarke’s temple before heading out of the apartment door towards the main commons of Alpha Station.

Clarke stared at the closed door to the apartment for a long time after Abby left, her words echoing in her head. It was September 12, 2147. A whole two years behind the world she thought she had just gone to sleep in.

Surely, people didn’t have dreams that were so intricate, so detailed.  She couldn’t possibly have imagined a world in which there were different cultures of people that survived on the ground, with their own language to boot – all of the evidence the Ark had gathered over the past ninety some odd years showed that no one had survived the last bombs that were dropped. No one was _that_ imaginative, were they?

Clarke sat down on the worn couch of her living room with her confusion growing every second.

“Morning, kiddo.” A deep, warm voice behind her broke through Clarke’s inner turmoil and she felt her heart drop into her stomach.

“Dad!” Clarke all but cried, jumping off of the couch and throwing her arms around her father, Jake, as he staggered back in surprise.

“Well hello to you, too!” Jake laughed, holding his daughter as tightly as she held him. Clarke felt his large hand stroke her hair and she nearly started sobbing. “Everything okay, kiddo?”

“Yes,” Clarke choked into his shoulder, her eyes tightly shut, “I had… a bad dream.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jake asked soothingly, still stroking Clarke’s hair. She hadn’t felt so at peace than did she right at this moment for a long time – or so it seemed.

Clarke shook her head against his chest, reveling in the feel and smell of her father’s familiar grey sweater, “No. I’m just glad you’re here.” _No, I don’t want to talk about the dream I had where you were dead, I’d become a monster, and the world was at war._

“I’ll always be here for you, Clarke.” He answered quietly, with such a confidence that she was on the cusp of crying all over again.

 _It was just a dream_.

“I love you,” She whispered into the soft fabric of his sweater, smiling when he repeated the sentiment,

“I love you too, Clarke,”

She held onto her father for a moment longer before pulling back to look up into his good-natured face and kind blue eyes. He was here, he was real, and he was _alive_. This fact alone was enough to start easing the panic of waking up in the past, or rather, waking up from a dream that was so realistic she could’ve sworn that it had actually happened.

“You better get cleaned up and dressed there, kiddo. You’ve gotta leave for class pretty soon.” Jake smiled at her, “And I’ve got to get down to Engineering… Sinclair has some reports for me to review.”

Clarke nodded and watched as Jake grabbed his worn out leather jacket and a bagel before coming back over to her to give her one last quick hug.

“Have a good day, Clarke. I’ll see you at dinner.” He told her happily, smiling as he waved to her while making his way out of the apartment.

~

Clarke had dressed quickly, pulling on the familiar pink cotton sweater with the crochet back that was gradually falling apart. She dragged a brush through her blonde hair and pulled it up into a messy bun that rested at the nape of her neck. She admired how clean and straight her hair looked in the mirror for a millisecond before grabbing her backpack and notebook, heading out of the apartment and into the main commons of Alpha Station. In the time it had taken her to get ready, Clarke’s confusion and panic over her dream had eased off. That’s all it had been, a dream. She had convinced herself that she had seen all of the people she had encountered in her dream on the Ark – she had read that a person didn’t create people in dreams, they were simply faces that one had seen before, whether they consciously remembered those faces or not. The language she had heard the “Grounders” speak was probably just gibberish, or perhaps she had read something similar to it somewhere, too. She convinced herself all too easily that there was a logical explanation for everything she had encountered once her initial shock wore off. It wasn’t as though time travel was possible and it was easy to accept the horrors that she had created and endured as a figment of her imagination.

She hitched her backpack further up onto her shoulder as she walked through the commons, taking in the Ark citizens both young and old scattered around. They were sitting on benches, standing groups, and others were just passing through. The sounds of easy chatter and laughter were enough to muffle the constant machine hum that was ever present – a sign that the Ark still sustained the life aboard her. The relaxed atmosphere felt foreign, like a long lost memory, and to Clarke it was so incredibly _nice_. Just then, she felt a small tap on her arm. Spinning around, Clarke came face to face with the boy who was, who _is_ , her best friend. Wells Jaha stood in front of her, holding a dark backpack similar to hers and giving her a wide smile.

“Morning, Clarke!” he greeted her brightly. She felt complete happiness bubble up within her as she took in the sight of her childhood confidant. He was wearing a clean, slate gray t-shirt with navy cargo pants. He took one of her hands in his and placed a cinnamon roll into it.

“I brought you some breakfast, here,” he smiled before opening up his notebook, “Okay, I’ll quiz you.”

“Quiz me?” Clarke laughed in confusion.

“For the Earth Skills test today? Remember?” Wells gave her a strange look.

“Right, yeah, it must’ve slipped my mind.” She sighed, shaking her head, “It’s been a weird morning.”

The pair started walking towards the room where Alpha Station held its most senior classes. Clarke started to nibble on the roll that Wells had given her, savoring the sticky sweetness of the icing mixed with the warm spice of the cinnamon. Treats like this were a rare commodity on the Ark, unless you were privileged enough to have a council member for a parent. That thought made Clarke feel uncomfortable. The hierarchal class system that the Ark had developed over the past century was something that they were all used to and familiar with, but that didn’t make it right.

“You know, I think this is the first time you haven’t been prepared for a test!” Wells chuckled, “However will you get that medical internship now?” he teased, speaking in an exaggerated, exasperated tone.

“Shut up,” Clarke lightly smacked him on the arm, “It doesn’t matter. I bet you I can answer any question you throw at me.” Wells smirked at that.

“Challenge accepted,” he replied, quirking his eyebrow up, “Okay, true or false? Plants that are red in colour are always poisonous.”

They began to round a corner into a side hall where the door to the classroom was.

“Fa-“ Clarke began, but was cut off when she collided with something tall and solid. She let out a small gasp of surprise as two large brown hands gripped her forearms to steady her.

“Careful,” A warm, deep voice broke through her shock. She felt the thumbs that held her forearms slowly stroke up and down once and she dragged her eyes up to look into the face of the person she had walked right into. A jolt of recognition coursed through her veins as her eyes danced across the tanned face, taking in the smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose, the dark mahogany eyes, and the slightly arrogant tilt to his full lips. Affection for a person that, in reality, she hadn’t even met was so strong in that moment that she couldn’t move, let alone speak.

She was looking up into the face of Bellamy Blake, the only person on Earth that she had trusted implicitly. Or, so it had been, in her dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge shout out and thank you to my lovely friend Kayla for being my beta! She's literally the best. You can find her on [AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/befreckledblake/pseuds/befreckledblake/works?fandom_id=1635478) , where she also writes for Bellarke, and [Tumblr](bellamyblakesrifle.tumblr.com) <3  
> This is my first fanfic in a long, long time, so any feedback is very appreciated! (Though go easy on me ;) )  
> Thank you for reading this chapter! Feel free to check out my [Tumblr](rxvenreyes.tumblr.com)! I will be posting fic updates there from time to time.


	2. Familiar Strangers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: teeny allusion to animal death

Clarke could feel the colour rising in her cheeks and she quickly tore her eyes from Bellamy’s curious gaze. He was dressed in all black; the snug fitting cadet’s uniform was crisp and clean. Holstered to his side was the electrified baton that every guard carried. The insignia of the council marked his breast, shining in stark contrast to the darkness of his uniform. Above it, she saw his last name, _Blake_ , engraved on a rectangular nametag attached to the stiff fabric.

“ _Clarke!_ ” Wells hissed in her ear. She realised then that Bellamy had asked her a question.

“Sorry, what?” Clarke stuttered. His hands were still on her forearms, holding her in place with a light pressure.

“Are you okay?” He asked again, looking her over quickly. She nodded hastily before stepping back. His grip relented easily and she felt a small shiver run up her spine as the warmth of his hands disappeared.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” Clarke apologized, feeling the heat in her cheeks intensify.

“Don’t worry about it. Just be more careful.” Bellamy brushed off her apology with a shrug before shuffling around Clarke to continue on his way. She craned her head and watched him round the corner before turning back to Wells’ confused expression.

“Okay, what was that? Do you know that guy?” He asked.

“I…” She hesitated, her brow contracting as her gaze shifted to the ground. _I know him. I mean, I’ve met him in dream, so maybe I don’t_ really _know him..._ “I’ve seen him around, but I don’t know him.” She finished decidedly. Wells hummed in acknowledgement, his dark eyes narrowing as he studied her face.

“You sure?”

She feigned indifference as best as she could, nodding her head.

“He’s not some… secret mystery crush?” Wells teased, not unkindly.

“Wells!” Clarke exclaimed, startled into laughter by the suggestion, “No!”

“Okay, okay. Whatever you say.” He laughed in return, throwing up his hands in a defeated gesture.

“Now, if you’re finished with the interrogation, we’ve got a quiz to write.” Clarke reminded him with a grin before taking off in the direction of the class.

“Hey! Wait up!” Wells called out.

It took him a few long strides to catch up to her,and they spent the rest of the walk to the classroom intentionally bumping shoulders.

~

As Clarke entered her apartment later that night, she was greeted by the sounds of angry whispers.

“ _You’ll fix it, Jake! You said yourself, those tests have only yielded preliminary results so far – there might not even be much to fix!_ ”

“ _I don’t think so, not this time. There’s a huge problem in the system. Maybe we can fix it once we know more, but I think we have to be prepared to let the people on this boat know if we’re sinking!_ ”

“ _Jake-_ “ Abby cut off her hiss abruptly as the sound of the apartment door shutting interrupted the tense exchange.

“Hey, kiddo! How was school?” Jake greeted her with enthusiasm, but she could tell by the smile that didn’t reach his eyes that he was still upset.

“Fine. Aced my test.” Clarke replied shortly. She had thought that she would be used to the hushed arguments by now – they had been fighting in private over the same subject for a couple weeks now – but it never ceased to upset her. She supposed she should consider herself lucky, though. She still had both of her parents. Other Ark kids weren’t so fortunate.

From eavesdropping unintentionally, Clarke had a vague idea about what they were fighting about. Her father, as the Chief of Engineering, had discovered what could be a devastating flaw in one of the Ark’s life support systems. She didn’t know which and, from what she had heard, they didn’t know the severity of the problem. Jake wanted to warn the people if it meant the Ark’s demise, but Abby didn’t agree. _It would cause a mass panic_ ,Clarke had overheard her argue once. Clarke knew better than to ask, though – there was no way they’d tell her.

“That’s great, Clarke. Still studying hard for that internship exam?” Abby smiled at her with a much softer expression than the one she had been regarding her husband with. Clarke hummed, a positive affirmation that, yes, she was studying. She was still their perfect daughter. Clarke took her seat at the square steel dining table that was adjacent to the kitchen, watching as Abby set plates of boiled potatoes and roast chicken at each place. Meat of any kind was incredibly scarce, even on Alpha Station. Animals didn’t produce enough product to replace the resources they consumed, the most critical being oxygen. Only a few of them were kept in Agro Station. When the cows or chickens grew too old to produce eggs or milk, their meat was reserved for only the most privileged families who could afford it. Rationing was tight on the Ark, but those with more prestigious jobs were granted more resources.

“So,” Jake started gruffly as he sat down, “how’s Wells doing? He hasn’t been around much.”

“No. He’s fine, busy with school.” Clarke replied, pushing the potatoes on her plate around in a circle. The truth was that Clarke hadn’t brought him around much since the fighting had begun. She loved her parents more than anything, but their arguments over Ark logistics were too much for even Clarke to stomach sometimes. They were two polar opposites when it came to politics and they weren’t afraid to voice their opinions.

“What’s up kiddo?” Jake asked after a moment, watching Clarke move her food around her plate. She let out an exasperated sigh.

“Are you still feeling off, Clarke?” Abby had also noticed that Clarke hadn’t eaten a bite of her supper, and was regarding her with the clinical glance that Clarke knew all too well. “Chicken’s you’re favourite!”

“No, Mom, I told you I’m feeling fine.” Clarke muttered tiredly. After a moment spent with both of her parents regarding her with concerned looks, Clarke snapped as she realised something.

“No, you know what? I’m not fine. I’m tired of all of this fighting behind closed doors, the angry whispers. I’m not stupid, you know. I know there’s something wrong in Engineering, something big. Why can’t you tell me?” She cried, throwing her fork down upon the dark steel table.

“ _Clarke_!” Abby exclaimed in surprise, while Jake’s mouth opened and closed several times without one word leaving his lips.

“I’m not a little girl anymore. I can handle it, please!” Clarke cried.

Sitting there, stewing over her parents and their endless fighting she had realised that there had been an issue with the Ark in her dream. She had to know if this problem was, in any way, similar to the problem that landed her in solitary confinement and earned her father a place among the stars. It was a long shot, but maybe she could stop him from getting floated.

“Clarke, honey, we know you’re not a little girl anymore,” Jake started cautiously, finally finding his voice.

“But this is something between your father and I.” Abby finished sternly, side-eyeing Jake as she explained.

“How can it be just between you and Dad when it obviously concerns _everyone_ on this station?” Clarke countered in bewilderment. “If something is wrong with the Ark’s life support it involves everyone; plain and simple.”

“Clarke, it’s _not_ that simple…” Abby argued.

“How can it not be?” Clarke asked incredulously. With one last scathing look at her mother, Clarke thrust her chair back and stood up.

“Well if nobody is going to shed any light, you’ll have to excuse me.” She finished and Abby winced at the acid in Clarke’s tone. Without another glance back, Clarke turned on her heel and stormed out of the apartment.

~

It was sometime after leaving the apartment that Clarke found herself in front of one of the many windows that lined the hallways of the Ark. She looked out, admiring the giant planet that was before her.

Clarke traced her fingertips along the smooth, cool glass. They followed the shoreline of the huge, emerald land masses and twirled with the swirling white cotton clouds. The azure blue of the vast ocean waters seemed to glow, kissed by the light of the sun. It was beautiful, but she knew it could also be deadly. History alone was proof, but more than that, Clarke just _knew_. She could feel the threat of the weather, sickness, famine, the unknown. Though it had only been a dream, Clarke truly felt as though she had experienced all of those things on Earth. She couldn’t help but sense that this planet’s stunning beauty was just a guise, hiding its true nature from those who lived among the stars in naivety. She let out a deep breath and watched as the glass that separated her from the endless darkness of space got foggy with condensation.

As her fingers danced along the jagged coasts of lands long abandoned, she felt the heat of her anger seep from her skin into the glass. Truth be told, she was more scared than angry. The possibility of living through her father being floated was too real, too painful. Her heart wouldn’t withstand it and Clarke would do anything to prevent it, if she could. It had been terrible enough experiencing it in a dream. While dreams were just that, Clarke had a nagging suspicion that this was one part of it that had too much potential to become true.

“Think life would be any different down there than up here?” Clarke heard a deep male voice ask through her mental soliloquy. She knew who it was without having to look.

“How could it not be?” She countered lightly, running her index finger along the coast of what was once Brazil. How could life on Earth possibly be similar to life on the Ark?

“Well, for one, I doubt the Council will be too eager to abolish their privileged rationing system, despite the fact that all of the food we’d ever need would be at our fingertips.” He replied sarcastically, “Then they wouldn’t have so much power over the peasants.” Clarke turned around to face him and was caught feeling that same affection she had felt earlier. Bellamy Blake was leaning against the wall that was facing her with his arms crossed and a small, wry smile upon his face. She didn’t know him, not the real him, but there was just something about him that told her otherwise. She felt as though she recognized the way his eyebrow shot up, as if waiting for her to challenge his opinion. He was a familiar stranger.

“You’re probably right about that,” She replied, chagrin evident in her voice, after a moment. He blinked in surprise. Clearly he had been expecting her to defend her home station, her _people_ , but he was right and she knew it. The classist system that the Ark was perpetually stuck in wouldn’t be an easy habit for the privileged to break if the day they returned to Earth ever came. Recovering, he switched the subject.

“It’s after curfew.” He told her sternly. She didn’t need the reminder – she was well aware that curfew began at eleven.

“And?”

“And I should escort you back home and report you.” Bellamy quipped, looking over her with inquisitive eyes. She shrugged before turning back to look out of the window again. At the moment, she didn’t really care and she had a feeling that he wouldn’t really do it.

“Why _are_ you out after curfew?” He asked after a breath’s length of time, curiosity getting the better of him. She spun back around with a frown and leaned back against the glass. The chill of space penetrated through the thin material of her sweater and made her skin erupt in goose bumps.

“Just… doing a little stargazing?” Clarke replied. It wasn’t entirely the truth and she could see that he knew that. It wasn’t as though she’d tried very hard to come up with a plausible answer. He didn’t press the issue.

“Look, you better get ho-“ His words died mid-sentence as the sound of voices echoed from down the hallway. He surged forward and held onto the crook of her arm, pulling her down the hall. He opened a door that lead into a janitor’s supply closet and pushed her inside.

“Stay.” He commanded, before shutting the door behind him. Clarke was enveloped in darkness as she strained her ears to listen to what was happening outside. It was hard to hear over the thunderous beating of her heart.

“ _Anything to report, Cadet Blake?_ ” Clarke heard another male voice ask. She held her breath, waiting for the closet door to come swinging open as Bellamy revealed her.

“ _All quiet here, Lieutenant Shumway._ ” Bellamy responded confidently with an air of nonchalance. _He’s a good actor_ , Clarke thought. There was a pause.

“ _Good. Do one last sweep before you’re off – don’t want anyone to get caught in a dead zone._ ” The other voice instructed sternly. Clarke listened with baited breath as the sound of four pairs of combat boot-clad feet became more and more faint. Finally, the sounds disappeared altogether. She let out a sigh of relief just as the closet door was flung open. Clarke was momentarily blinded as light flooded the cramped space before she was plunged into darkness once more. The sound of a flicking switch brought a soft warm light with it and as Clarke’s eyes adjusted, she saw Bellamy’s face illuminated very close to her own.

“Look,” he started, staring at her intensely, “I don’t know why you’re breaking curfew, but don’t think that I’ll cover for you again. No matter how badly you want to… _stargaze_.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to.” Clarke replied curtly.

“Good.”

“ _Good_.”

They stood there, staring each other down for a moment. The tangy scent of cleaners and the musty smell of old sponges surrounded the two of them. Tension seemed to crackle as his eyes flickered over her face and his eyebrows contracted slightly.

At that moment, the door to the closet was opened again. Clarke jumped back, sending a broom flying.

“Oh,” A confident female voice exclaimed, “Looks like this spot is… _occupied_.”

After a second of momentary blindness, she saw the couple who had entered the closet. Her heart leapt in her chest as she recognized the long dark hair and slim figure of Raven Reyes. Who she saw behind her caused her leaping heart to promptly fall straight to the floor – Finn Collins. The two were holding hands and wore identical expressions. They looked _happy_.

“Sorry,” Raven snickered, completely unabashed. She waggled her eyebrows at Bellamy before starting to retreat. Finn’s soft dark eyes met Clarke’s, lingering for just a moment too long before Raven was tugging him away by the hand. Clarke’s heart was aching as the door swung closed behind them. She remembered, all too vividly, falling for this pragmatic peacekeeper and then driving a dagger straight into one of his ventricles in her dream. With his head resting limply on her shoulder, she had sealed his fate. _You did the right thing_ , Bellamy’s kinder voice echoed through her thoughts. Suddenly, her palms felt clammy and it was far too hot in that cramped closet.

“I’m taking you home now. If we stay here much longer we’ll be stuck without oxygen.” Bellamy was saying. Clarke felt slightly faint as she elbowed her way around the young cadet.

“I know. This is a dead zone, and you don’t have to walk me home, I’m perfectly capable of finding my own way.” Clarke told him crossly before wrenching the door open.

“Never said you weren’t,” Bellamy muttered tiredly, following her out into the stark fluorescent light of the hallway. They both lingered there for a moment, before Clarke, turning away, said softly,

“I’m Clarke, by the way.”

“I know, Princess. I’m Bellamy.” Without looking back, she could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

“Bellamy?” She paused in her escape, “Thanks,” She mumbled before she started making her way back to her apartment. Before rounding the corner, she took one glance back. Bellamy was standing at the window with his finger on the glass as hers had been earlier. The patch of frost that she had created with her breath still remained on the otherwise clear surface and within it Bellamy was drawing a small comic rocket ship. She smiled slightly, before turning back and continuing on her way.

It had looked as though it was destined for Earth.

Maybe, one day, a ship just like it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another huge thank you to [Kayla](bellamyblakesrifle.tumblr.com) for cleaning up my messy chapters! She's ah-mazing!♥♥♥  
> More to come soon! Feel free to comment and leave some kudos!


	3. House of Cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an update! Thank you all for your patience!  
> TW: medical jargon, underage drinking, panic attacks/anxiety

_“Make a wish, Clarke!”_

_Clarke squeezed her eyes shut at her mother’s request, thinking hard. She could wish for so many typical things – to ace her Biology test, to get that medical internship, for a new sweater..._

_What she ended up wishing for was a camaraderie with a certain cadet, one that she missed so much, one that she hadn’t ever truly had – at least, not in reality._

_Clarke let out a heavy breath, pretending to blow out the unlit candle atop of a small cupcake. Fire was not allowed on the Ark except in very special circumstances –a flame used far too much oxygen to sustain itself than the Ark could allow. Opening her eyes, Clarke was met with the sound of family and friends clapping and cheering._

_“Happy sixteenth birthday, kiddo!” Jake laughed, patting Clarke on the back as she straightened up._

_“Now that you’re sixteen, I can send you something. Check your mail.” Abby told her as she fiddled with her tablet. Clarke picked her own up off of the metal dining table and checked her inbox._

_“Dear Miss Griffin,” Clarke started reading aloud, “The Medical Association of the Ark is pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the ‘Youth Medical Internship’ program.” Clarke’s smile grew larger as she read._

_“How surprising,” Wells drawled, his voice dripping in good-natured sarcasm, “Didn’t see that one coming.”_

_Clarke let out a relieved laugh and Wells nudged her shoulder with his own._

_“Congrats,” he said kindly as he gave Clarke a bright smile._

~

It had been a few weeks since her sixteenth birthday and not much had changed for Clarke. As she lay in her bed trying to fall asleep, her thoughts were keeping her wide awake. September had passed in an uneventful blur and it was now the end of October.  Her time had been spent studying with Wells and preparing for the internship exam. Clarke’s parents had become more careful about their arguments regarding the problem in Engineering, but Clarke knew it was still an issue. She had forgiven her father fairly quickly, but she was still treating her mother with an icy regard. She didn’t believe that Abby was right in keeping a life changing secret from the Ark’s population.

She hadn’t seen Bellamy since the night when he prevented her from getting caught for a curfew violation by shoving her in a closet. She wasn’t surprised that she hadn’t even seen him in passing – it was midterm season and the cadets were going through rigorous theory and physical examinations. She didn’t expect to see him, but she still felt a tiny thrill course through her veins every time she spotted the black uniform of a guard before she realised it wasn’t him.

She couldn’t lie, not even to herself, and claim that he didn’t interest her. She was curious about him. Was he like the Bellamy she had imagined in her dream? He had been reckless, self-preserving, and headstrong at first, with steel walls built higher than the sky. As she had gotten to know him, Clarke learned that that had simply been a defense mechanism. He was fiercely loyal and had grown into the role of leader and protector. In the beginning he was just protecting himself and the one other person who he cared more about than anybody else – Octavia Blake, his sister.

She scoffed as she thought about it. That was one fact that made her certain it was a dream. The Ark’s policy on single child families was extremely strict. Her mother oversaw all of the birth control procedures for the women of the Ark and was responsible for implanting devices into their uteruses to ensure that there were no unplanned pregnancies. Clarke knew that her mother took the job very seriously. The Ark could barely sustain itself with its current population and a single child family policy was one way to curb the population growth.

She still couldn’t help but wonder if the Bellamy she had met in real life was anything like the Bellamy she had been so close with in her dream. Regardless of how illogical it was, she missed the boy she had known. Once she had cracked his seemingly impenetrable walls, he had become her closest confidant and advisor. The two of them alone shared a burden that no one else had by taking responsibility for the delinquents. The two of them were on the same path, working towards the same goal. They had been each other’s rock during times of strife and, in the very rare moments when they weren’t completely stressed out, had made each other smile and laugh. She _missed_ that. It had been different than the friendship she had with Wells, for reasons that Clarke couldn’t quite pinpoint.

Clarke jumped as the shrill buzz of her alarm clock suddenly blared. It had been a long time since she had last had a sleepless night and she could feel her head pounding as she shut off the alarm. After school today, Clarke was going to her first shift as a medical intern. She wasn’t nervous, exactly. She had already had her orientation and knew what the expectations were of her for the shift. The prospect of spending six hours under her mother’s tutelage when their relationship was chilly, at best, was what bothered Clarke. It would be a tiring afternoon.

She finally shrugged off her warm blanket and started to get ready for school. This was going to be a long day.

~

After classes, Wells had insisted on accompanying Clarke to her first shift.

“I want to see you off and wish you good luck.” He explained when Clarke asked him why he wasn’t walking home. She gave him a grateful smile and the pair slowly made their way towards the Ark’s central Medical Bay. Clarke clung to an old pair of grey scrub pants and a worn scrub top that used to be her mother’s. In her black backpack were her second-hand stethoscope and a smaller bag with her dinner along with her usual school supplies. Clarke found herself wiping her palms nervously on the thick cotton of her scrubs as she walked, feeling that they were hot and slick with sweat. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed with Wells.

“Hey,” he started with a small smile, “it’s going to be fine. You’ll do great.”

They had come to the door of the Med Bay and Clarke slowed, turning to face Wells.

“Yeah… I’m just not looking forward to being under my mom’s wing for six hours.” Clarke muttered as her eyes drifted to the floor. Wells made a sympathetic humming sound – he knew that Clarke and Abby weren’t on the best of terms at the moment, but Clarke hadn’t explained beyond them having “ _had a fight”_.

“Maybe you won’t be?” Wells suggested, trying to pick up Clarke’s low spirits. She shrugged with a frown.

“Maybe. I better head in though, it’s five to four.” She replied dejectedly and began to move away from Wells. As she laid her hand on the door handle, Wells gently grasped her wrist.

“Wait, I brought you something.” He told her as he rummaged through his own backpack with his free hand. He pulled out a small package wrapped neatly in white wax paper and placed it into Clarke’s palm.

“A little something to get you through.” Wells explained with a smile and a wink. Clarke carefully opened the wax paper and saw that there was a small dessert bar inside. It looked like chocolate from what she could see.

“Thank you,” she smiled. Wells was always so thoughtful and kind. Clarke’s heart swelled with happiness as she thought of having a friend like him. She was lucky and she knew it. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Wells.”

“Tomorrow.” He agreed “And I expect all the details!” With one last encouraging smile, he turned and began the walk back towards home. Clarke, with her hand back on the door handle, took a deep breath and opened up the door.

The smell of antiseptic alcohol and sterility hit her strongly as the Med Bay was revealed. Clarke let herself in and closed the door before heading towards her mother’s office. The sounds of labored breathing, hushed conversations, and running IV machines surrounded her and as she walked she took in her surroundings. The Med Bay was large – there was an initial room acting as a waiting area for the clinic followed by a spacious room that housed patients who needed constant care. There were fifteen beds in use, with another fifteen prepared to be filled if need be. Adjacent to the patient’s area was a med room and a supply room, filled to the brim with medications, IV fluids, needles, syringes, and dressing kits, among other things. Abby’s office was next to the staff room at the very back of the patient room. As Clarke passed the beds, Jackson, one of her mother’s fellow doctors, came out from behind a curtain that shrouded a patient’s bed with a used needle.

“Hey, Clarke!” He greeted her cheerfully as he placed the needle into the yellow sharps container that hung from the wall and went to wash his hands. “Are you excited for your first day?”

“Yep.” Clarke answered with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. Her bright tone didn’t change the fact that it was a lie.

“I think your mom said you’d be with me today, but check in with her first.” Jackson told her as he scribbled his signature next to a medication in the patient’s MAR, an acronym that stood for the Medication Administration Record.

At Jackson’s words her nervousness ebbed a little. She liked Jackson and she had known him since he had become a medical intern several years before. He was the youngest of the team of doctors and had a good natured personality.

“I was just heading in to see her.” Clarke said. She could feel a small smile growing on her lips and Jackson gave her a wink.

“I’ll be working you to the bone, just to warn you.” He joked. Clarke giggled as she let herself into Abby’s office. If she was working with Jackson, it wouldn’t be half as bad as she had anticipated.

Abby was sitting behind a desk, flipping between her patient charts tablet and her personal tablet. As Clarke shut the door and took a seat in front of her desk, Abby lifted her eyes up to meet Clarke’s.

“Oh good, you’re here.” Abby gave Clarke a small smile. She didn’t reciprocate and Abby cut right to the chase. “I’ve got a surgery scheduled for four-thirty, so I’ve arranged to have you shadow and work with Jackson for today. Usually the head doctor has to be the supervisor for the first shift, but Jackson’s good and I trust your abilities. You can change into your scrubs in here. Just leave your backpack under my desk. Make sure you put your stethoscope in your pocket because you’ll be taking vitals in two hours.”

Abby was rushing, Clarke could tell. Her surgery must be an urgent one that had been scheduled recently.

“Jackson will help you with everything and he’ll give you some tasks. I have to go meet the surgical team, so have fun, sweetheart. If the surgery lasts longer than your shift, I’ll see you at home and we’ll debrief.” Abby finished as she grabbed her own stethoscope and patient tablet off of her desk before hurrying out of the office.

Clarke was left in happy silence as she opened up her backpack and pulled out her scrubs.

~

“Have you got those vital signs for me?” Jackson asked Clarke with an encouraging smile. She nodded, reading the values that she had gathered.

“Heart rate is 76, BP is 137/86, respirations are 14, temp is 36.6°, and O2 sats are 94%.”

“Good. So if this patient’s sats came back as 89%, what would you do?” Jackson drilled, regarding Clarke with a quizzical eye.

“I’d raise the head of the bed, put the patient in orthopneic position to facilitate breathing, and start the patient on two liters of oxygen via nasal prongs.” Clarke answered confidently. She knew she wasn’t wrong when Jackson’s smile grew larger.

“And?”

“And I’d re-check the patient’s sats every five minutes until they were within range and then wean the oxygen level.” Clarke continued with a smirk, before giving a teasing eye roll. “Obviously.”

“Nice work. Get those vitals into the patient’s chart quickly and you can watch me change the occlusive dressing on bed two.” Jackson laughed before turning towards the supply cupboard.

Clarke flung herself into a rolling chair and spun her way towards the large, touch screen computer in which all of the patient’s charts were stored. As she began typing, a loud crashing noise sounded as several members of the guard came rushing into the infirmary. Two men were restraining an older man while a woman was pushing the stretcher the man was laying on.

Starting at the sudden intrusion, Clarke jumped up from her seat and watched as Jackson came rushing over with a serious expression and a dressing kit clutched in his hand.

“We’re gonna need some Pinels here, doc’.” One of the guards grunted at Jackson as he held the struggling man’s arms in place. Jackson nodded and directed the guards to a free space where they could roll the stretcher before rushing off to the supplies room.

The double doors to the infirmary were swung open again as two more guards strode into the room, deep in conversation.

Clarke felt her heart jump when she realised that one of the guards was Bellamy. Her eyes met his for a brief second, but his expression didn’t change. He was walking with a senior guard member who seemed to be advising him.

“…Once they’ve re-orientated him and gotten him to calm down a bit it should be fine, but you always have to keep an eye out for patients with a dementia diagnosis, especially those who have a history of aggressive behaviour.” Clarke overheard the older guard telling Bellamy as they neared her, who nodded in understanding. He clapped Bellamy on the back before turning to leave the patient center.

Bellamy, with a small smirk now playing across his face and his hands shoved in his pockets, came over to where Clarke was standing. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him.

“What are you doing here?” She asked as he came to a stop in front of her. His smirk only grew wider as he answered.

“I could ask you the same question.”

“I’m a medical intern.” Clarke told him as she gestured to her clothes, “I thought the scrubs would give it away.”

His eyes followed her hands as they moved down her body and Clarke felt heat rush into her cheeks. She crossed her arms as his gaze returned to her face. He quirked an eyebrow and shrugged.

“And anyways, I asked you first. Why are you here?” She pressed, feeling slightly flustered. Her hands clenched at her elbows tighter as she waited for his answer.

“Well…” He hesitated with a pensive look on his face, “As one of the only cadets who hasn’t had a medical rotation, I’m the lucky one who gets to sit here all night and make sure fisticuffs over there doesn’t hurt any of the staff or patients.” Bellamy nodded his dark head towards the curtains that shrouded the new patient from view.

Clarke watched the shadows dance behind the curtains for a moment before looking back at Bellamy.

“Do you know what happened?” She questioned quietly, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“I heard that he got confused and thought his wife was going to hurt him. My supervisor said he has pretty advanced dementia with a history of delirium.” He replied softly with a wistful look to his eyes. Clarke hummed in acknowledgment, knowing what was on both of their minds. Violence wasn’t tolerated on the Ark, regardless of the circumstances. Clarke felt a sinking feeling in her stomach as Jackson and the three guards came out from behind the curtains.

“Bellamy here will keep an eye out for you guys tonight. Someone will be by in the morning to finish up the paperwork and escort him out.” A male guard with short blonde hair and a good-natured face was saying to Jackson.

“Thanks. Those Pinels should hold him if he gets agitated and we’ll get him some Seroquel.” Jackson sighed as he shook hands with each of the guards. As the guards left, Jackson turned to Clarke.

“I’m going to get his medications, so how about you have a snack. We’ll do that dressing in a little bit and I’ll go over the Pinel restraints with you.” He told her. Clarke nodded before sitting back at her desk and taking a sip of water from her small tin bottle. Bellamy pulled up a chair nearby and slumped into a comfortable looking position.

“It’s gonna be a long night.” He mumbled, picking at a stray thread on the cuff of his uniform. Clarke couldn’t help but agree.

~

Bellamy took his dinner break when Clarke did, and the two of them sat in the small staff room eating. Clarke watched him from underneath her eyelashes as he picked at his meal. She couldn’t help but notice that it was only a small amount of mushy beans. Her heart sunk as she looked at her own dinner of chicken salad and the small chocolate square from Wells. She felt a rush of sympathy for him and wondered if he would be offended if she offered to share. Clarke didn’t have long to ponder that idea before he spoke up.

“You going to the party in Agro tomorrow?” He spoke with a mischievous grin. She frowned and opened her mouth to reply, but paused. She hadn’t heard of a party in Agro Station. In fact, she _never_ heard of parties. She fixed her expression to one of indifference and lightly plucked up a piece of lettuce from her container.

“Doesn’t interest me.” Clarke responded lightly before taking a bite off of her fork. Bellamy’s eyes narrowed and his grin seemed to get larger.

“You sure? Do you even know _where_ in Agro it’s going to be?” He questioned. She knew that he knew she hadn’t been invited. She sucked in a breath and gave him a tight-lipped smile with narrowed eyes.

“You could come, you know. The moon is rising and so is the moonshine.” Bellamy continued when she didn’t answer, “But if you’re not interested…”

Clarke groaned, “Where is it?”

“Section 32, in room 217.” Bellamy chuckled, returning to his beans. He scraped up the last mouthful and sat watching her with a neutral expression on his face.

“Maybe.” Clarke told him with a frown. “Are you going to be there?”

“Cadet Blake will not be in attendance. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.” He answered seriously. His eyes were playful despite his tone of voice. “Though I have it on pretty good authority that there will be lots of really drunk kids. Who knows, maybe the princess could befriend some weak-willed peasants?”

“I have friends!” She exclaimed angrily. He gave her a doubtful look and Clarke mumbled with a roll of her eyes “ _A_ friend.”

Bellamy grinned and pushed his chair back. The grating noise it made against the metal floors echoed in the tiny room.

“Well, I’ve got a patient to watch. Just thought you ought to know about the party, despite the very slim chance that you might be interested.” He said before leaving the staff room to retake his post. Clarke sat in confusion. She had no idea why he had told her about the party, but she was secretly glad he had. She really didn’t do much outside of school and now her internship. Wells really was her only friend that she had and they mostly studied together. Neither of them had ever been to a party that wasn’t each other’s birthday.

Packing up her finished dinner, Clarke decided that she would go. She’d drag Wells, even if he didn’t want to, and for once they’d have a night where they could act like the other teenagers on the Ark.

~

“I really don’t think this is a good idea.” Wells said quietly as he and Clarke walked through the maze of the Ark corridors, “If my dad were to find out…”

“He’d learn that his son was a human teenager?” Clarke countered, “He won’t find out. Aren’t you curious what it will be like?”

“Not really. I have a paper to write anyways and don’t you have a quiz to study for? We weren’t even invited!”

“We don’t have to be invited.” Clarke reassured him, though she felt a little uneasy herself. Walking into Agro station to a party full of kids that they barely knew was nerve-wracking.

They rounded a corner and came to the end of the hallway where automatic double doors lead to the Agro Station common area. Walking through them, Clarke noticed just how empty the common area was – there was the odd adult around, but they paid Clarke and Wells no mind. Clarke was thankful that each station’s residential sectors were laid out the same as she and Wells headed towards apartment 217. She didn’t want to draw attention to where they were going.

“I think I’m just going to head back…” Wells started saying as they came to a stop in front of a large metal door labelled “217”. Clarke grabbed his forearm as he started to turn away.

“Not so fast. You said you’d come.” Clarke reminded him and rolled her eyes at his sigh. Taking a deep breath, Clarke raised her hand and delicately pressed the buzzer for the apartment.

Seconds that felt like an eternity passed with no signs of life from the apartment.  Clarke and Wells glanced at each other, puzzled. At that moment, the door shot open, and two pairs of hands pulled them roughly into the apartment. With the slamming of the apartment door, Clarke’s ears were met with the deafening boom of bass from the dance music that blared from someone’s tablet and the chatter of rowdy teenagers.

“Sorry, don’t want too much noise getting out.” A boy apologized sheepishly from behind her. Turning around, Clarke came face-to-face with two very young looking and obviously drunk best friends, Jasper Jordan and Monty Green. Recognition hit Clarke like a bolt of lightning and she was momentarily at a loss for words.

“Welcome to the party place!” Jasper yelled excitedly. He clapped Wells on the back and stumbled off into the crowd, while Monty, who had been the one to apologize, continued to look sheepish.

“I’m Monty and that was Jasper. He gets a bit crazy at parties, don’t mind him. Drinks and snacks are over there.” He explained, motioning towards a large rectangular steel table that was piled high with plates and pitchers. Monty gave Wells and Clarke a small wave and a smile before following the path that Jasper had taken into the sea of bodies.

Making her way towards the drink table with Wells on her heels, Clarke was overwhelmed with her surroundings. The noise, the people, the smells, the atmosphere… It was so different from anything she’d experienced. The longer she spent immersed in the environment, the more intoxicating it became.

As she handed Wells an old metal cup full of something strong smelling and reached to pour her own drink, a warm hand stopped her.

“Let me,” a kind voice insisted, his breath hot against her right ear. Clarke’s heart dropped into her stomach like a lead weight as she looked into the face of Finn Collins. His dark hair was neat and his smile was carefree. She struggled with her words, but his smile only grew. Finn turned toward the table and began to ladle the potent clear liquid into a metal cup for her. Wells watched from beside Clarke, his brows pulled together. Clarke could see the question in his eyes, wondering if she knew this guy or not.

She didn’t and she shook her head minutely at Wells. She couldn’t possibly know him, not really.

That fact didn’t stop the crushing weight of emotion that his lively face brought.

“So,” Finn started as he handed Clarke a full cup, “This your first party?”

Clarke scoffed and took a large gulp, immediately regretting it, “What makes you ask that?”

“A wild guess.” Finn replied with raised eyebrows and smirk, “I’m Finn, by the way.”

“I know.” Clarke answered exasperatedly before she could catch herself. She could feel her eyes widen as Finn’s smile faded and confusion set in. “I mean, I-I’ve heard of you.” Clarke corrected hastily, feeling heat rush into her cheeks. Finn’s face relaxed back into that easy smile.

“My reputation precedes me.” He laughed smugly. Clarke shifted uncomfortably, her skin prickling with guilt and betrayal. She was thankful that Wells chose that moment to interrupt.

“Hey, Clarke, I’m going to go check out the games with Kali,” He announced, and a small girl with roan coloured hair and caramel skin waved to her from behind him. Clarke hadn’t even noticed he’d started talking to someone.

“Okay,” She replied and Wells shot her a thumbs up as Kali took him by the hand to lead him away. Clarke chuckled as she watched the pair disappear into the throng of dancing and laughing bodies.

Finn’s hand had found its way into the crook of her elbow as he tried to bring Clarke’s attention back to him. Her body fought the urge to flinch away from his touch.

“Have you ever seen the hydroponic gardens after curfew?” Finn asked her quietly. His face was closer to hers than she remembered it being and his fingers held fast to her arm. “There’s no one there to tell you off. It’s beautiful there, the plants almost glow in the moonlight.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows in disbelief, “I doubt that-“

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

Finn’s grip on Clarke’s elbow loosened and she wrenched her arm free. Leaning against the wall behind the table of drinks was Bellamy. He had a cup in his hand and a faded baseball long sleeve tee-shirt on instead of his guard uniform. He was looking at Finn with contempt, his eyebrows raised as he waited for an answer. Finn spluttered, an ugly red blush creeping its way up his cheeks.

“Maybe you should go find her.” Bellamy suggested coldly. Finn, seemingly at a loss for words, shoved his hands in his pockets and marched off, pushing people out of his way. Clarke let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding as his back disappeared. She made her way around the table and stood next to Bellamy, her eyes narrowed as she took in his appearance.

“I thought you said you weren’t coming!” She remarked, scowling when he chuckled into his cup.

“I said Cadet Blake wouldn’t be in attendance.” Bellamy replied, a saucy smirk planted upon his face. “Do you see a cadet jacket?”

“You-!” Clarke started, but closed her mouth as she fought a grin. It was a losing battle.

“Was that guy bothering you?”

“Who, Finn? No.” Clarke stammered with an attempt at nonchalance. Bellamy looked at her skeptically.

“Your face said otherwise.” He noted with a shrug. Clarke gaze dropped to the floor for a moment before she turned to face Bellamy fully. Her right shoulder rested upon the cool sheet metal wall and she folded her arms across her chest.

“It’s nothing… It’s just- have you ever had a dream that was so real, you had a hard time accepting it was just a dream?” She asked him softly, urgently.

His deep brown eyes traversed the planes of her face as if they were searching for more meaning behind her question. Clarke held his gaze intently, feigning mild curiosity as her heart thrummed against her sternum forcefully.

Bellamy’s face was soft and thoughtful as he opened his mouth to speak, but a large crash drew their attention to the center of the room.

“It’s good, I’m good!” Jasper was shouting as he fought his way up to stand atop a chair. The party was gathered around him in a circle, watching with a sort of drunken reverence. Wobbling a little, Jasper faced his party comrades with glassy eyes and a lazy smile. The music softened to a stop.

“I have a toast to make! That sexy beast over there,” He pointed to Monty who shrugged with a sheepish look, “has not only provided us with the _Fountain of Youth_ and the party favors tonight, but is also _killing_ it with the tunes, am I right?” His sentiment was met with roaring yells and whistles. Clarke bit her lip, waiting for the moment Jasper inevitably would come crashing down from his high perch.

“So, I want you all to raise your glasses of ‘shine and toast my best friend, Monty Green!” Jasper yelled, thrusting his cup into the air before knocking it back. Screams of joy, laughter, and cheers surrounded Clarke before the music resumed even louder than it was before.

Bellamy and Clarke turned to face each other again, completely in sync. He opened his mouth once again, as though to answer her previous question, but Clarke cut him off.

“You know what, never mind.” She shook her head, “It’s nothing. Listen, I better go-“

“Clarke-“

“-I have a six shift tomorrow morning. See you.” She finished hurriedly before taking off without another glance at him. She nudged and elbowed her way through the hordes of sweaty dancers, pushing off the hands that grabbed at her as she went. Clarke didn’t stop until she was back in the halls of Agro station with only the sounds of the air scrubbers hum to compete with the buzzing in her ears. She leaned back against the icy steel wall, sliding down its length until she was sitting on the floor. Her heart was racing, palpitating, even. Her breath came in short pants and hands were tingly when she wiped her damp palms on her pant legs.

_What do you do in a panic attack again?_ Clarke thought wildly. Belly breathing came to mind and she desperately fought to slow her respiratory rate.

She knew she was feeling irrational. Hell, she hadn’t even thought _that_ much about the dream she had had over the past few weeks until she had seen Finn again. Finn Collins, who was alive and well, but who she had personally killed in her sleep before she had even technically met him. Finn Collins, who she had dreamed as having wooed her without first disclosing that he had a girlfriend. Her blood boiled at that thought.

She took one last deep breath and let it go before returning to feet. Her legs were a little like jelly and her mind was foggy from the stress. She felt uneasy, on-edge, and in need of a good sleep.

Steadying herself with a palm on the wall, she set off towards her own apartment before she was caught violating curfew. Clarke was certain Bellamy wouldn’t be there to save her again if she was.

~

Clarke’s weariness had increased tenfold when she reached the door to her apartment in Alpha station. Swiping her access card almost clumsily, she pushed her way into the familiarity of her living room.

Clarke stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her mother sitting on the couch, expressionless with her hands folded in her lap. _She was going to be in so much trouble._

“Listen, mom, I can explain-“ Clarke started as she gently closed the front door. Abby made no sound at all as Clarke came closer. There was something off about her blank face. Abby’s eyes were almost empty and dull, her skin pale and tired looking. The fingers of her right hand played with the wedding band on her left ring finger absently.

“Mom?” Clarke sat down on the couch next to Abby with growing anxiety. Still, there was no response from her usually talkative mother. With urgency, Clarke leapt up from her seat, moving so that she was kneeling in front of Abby. She placed her palms on Abby’s knees and struggled to catch her mother’s gaze.

“Mom! Where’s Dad?” Clarke cried out. She was hoping, wishing, praying that she wasn’t right.

Abby finally made eye contact with her daughter, who looked so much like Jake.

In the span of a second, Abby’s face crumpled and she fell forward, her face burying itself between her arms and legs. Heavy sobs wracked her body and Clarke dropped backwards onto her buttocks, her hands falling weakly into her lap. Her throat constricted and her chest _hurt,_ like tiny needles were piercing her all over as she struggled for breath _._

Clarke knew, _she_ _had known._

There’s no point to knowledge if it isn’t used, though, is there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you all think of this long overdue part three!  
> As always, a huge thanks to Kayla, aka bellamyblakesrifle on tumblr, for being my beta. She takes my mess and cleans it up nicely for all of you!♥♥


	4. Catalyst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Death

Clarke’s ears were ringing fiercely. Her world had suddenly shrunk to the size of a dot and she felt suffocated by her sudden realization.

“What did you do?” She slowly asked her mother. Her voice was terrible, deadly serious.

Abby lifted her head from knees to peer at her daughter through teary lashes. Her eyes were red and swollen, the trails of her tears darkly staining the pallor of her skin.

“I had to, Clarke, I didn’t have a choice!” Abby choked out amidst a fresh wave of tears. Clarke’s own eyes were filling fast and she had to blink forcefully to keep them from spilling over.

“It was because of the oxygen, wasn’t it? Because he was going to tell everyone?”

“I had to protect our people.” Abby insisted through laboured breaths.

 “ _How could you?_ ” Clarke questioned in disbelief, “How can you sell out your own _husband?_ ”

“Clarke! You know me, you know I wouldn’t do this if I had a choice!”

“You _always_ have a choice. And you’re wrong, I don’t know you at all anymore.” Clarke spat back, anger permeating her grief and shock.

“I’m sorry!”

Clarke had had enough. She leapt off of the ground and stormed to her bedroom. Her slamming door echoed within her small space before she was enveloped in crushing silence once again.

~

The slapping, crashing of Clarke’s feet as she ran reverberated in the small confines of the hallway.

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

It was the crack of dawn, and the corridors of the Ark were virtually abandoned. She sprinted along them, moving so fast she was on the verge of pitching over. It didn’t matter – she just had to get there before it was too late.

At the entrance to the Skybox, Clarke collided with none other than Bellamy Blake, smartly dressed in his uniform and on his way into work.

“Woah!” He gasped, catching a hold of Clarke’s shoulders before she flew backwards, “Clarke, what-“

“I have to see him!” She cried out, fighting against Bellamy’s grip to get inside the Skybox, “Please, I have to!”

“Slow down-“

“Let me through!” Clarke was one decibel away from bursting her own eardrums, she was sure. Her fists pounded against Bellamy’s chest, though her blows were feeble against his armoured vest.

“Clarke, _stop!_ ” Bellamy yelled back. He shook her slightly and brought his face within inches of hers so that their eyes met. Clarke stopped fighting, breathing heavily with emotion. His expression was confused and startled by her panic and he waited a moment for Clarke’s breathing to slow before he spoke again.

“You’re going to get in trouble if you keep screaming. Who do you have to see?” He asked urgently, his eyes regarding her with concern. Clarke took a deep, shuddering breath.

“My father. He was arrested last night.” She told him weakly. Tears were prickling her eyes, threatening to spill their banks at any given moment. Bellamy was shocked – his head jerked back slightly and his grip on Clarke’s shoulders tightened.

“Your father? I didn’t see-“

“ _Please_ , Bellamy.” Clarke begged, hoping that her eyes and words would convince him just how much she needed this. She knew she was probably putting his cadetship at risk, but she _had_ to. It was her father.

Bellamy took a small breath before giving her one short nod, “Stay here.”

Clarke nodded hurriedly and watched as he turned on his heel and rounded the corner into the heart of the Skybox.

Each second he was gone felt like a lifetime. Clarke worried her lip, pacing back and forth across the entry way with increasing agitation. When Bellamy finally returned, she came to an abrupt halt. He strode forward and lightly took her hand.

“Come, quick.” He muttered and pulled her forward into the prison hastily. Clarke let herself be led and wildly took in her surroundings. The Skybox was made up of several levels, seemingly hundreds of cells. Guards dressed just as Bellamy were all around, entering and exiting cells.

She wondered about the poor souls within them, what their fate had in store for them.

“Your father is in solitary confinement,” Bellamy whispered in her ear, “He isn’t supposed to see anyone, so you’ve got maybe five minutes.”

They came to a stop in front of a heavy steel door and Bellamy began punching in a security code into the keypad next to the door’s handle, “I could lose my job for this, you know.”

“I know. Thank you,” Clarke breathed, squeezing his hand before letting go. He nodded in acknowledgement before reminding her quietly, “Five minutes.”

Bellamy opened the door and gently pushed Clarke inside before closing her in.

Her father jumped up from a steel chair, completely shocked by her appearance.

“Clarke?”

“Dad!”

Her tears finally broke free as she ran into Jake’s arms. She clutched at him, her hands fisting in his weathered grey wool sweater. The familiar scent of laundry soap and musk that was distinctly her father filled her nose – it only made her cry harder.

“I love you!” She managed to croak between burning gasps and heart-wrenching sobs.

“I love you too, kiddo,” Jake whispered into her hair and Clarke felt her heart crack at the way his voice trembled.

“I’ll fight for you,” Clarke promised fiercely, “I’ll finish what you started!”

“ _No!_ ” Jake ripped himself away from Clarke to look her in the eyes. His face was stern, yet fearful. “You can’t do that, Clarke. You’ll only end up in here.”

“I don’t care!” She sobbed, “I don’t care, I only care about you!”

“Then protect what _I_ care about!” He pleaded. Jake’s hand came up and brushed her hair out of her face, cupping her cheek gently. As her own hand moved to cover his, Clarke could see tears forming in his own eyes and she wanted nothing more than to stay there with him, forever.

“I can’t lose you,” She whispered, devastated as she leaned into his touch. Jake gave her a thin attempt at a smile.

“You’re strong.” Jake acknowledged, but Clarke shook her head.

“No, no I’m not-“

The door opened a crack, and Bellamy’s dark head peeked in.

“Clarke, we’ve gotta go,” He hissed urgently.

“Go,” Jake nodded, but Clarke could feel panic bubbling inside of her once more. She launched herself back into his embrace one more time.

“I love you so much,” She reiterated, putting as much feeling into her words as she could muster.

“I love you. More than you can ever imagine,”

Clarke clung to his hand while she walked away before he slipped from her grasp and was locked away from her again.

~

They were half-way back to Clarke’s apartment when she broke down. Bellamy had insisted on taking her back home and had been there to slow her fall. It wasn’t as early in the day as it had been, and Bellamy guided Clarke into a large supply closet to avoid stares and questions. She was thankful.

“Do you know why he was arrested?” She asked him once she was settled on the floor. She was hugging her knees tightly to her body – it was a weak attempt at splinting her chest against the painful sobs that wracked it. Bellamy, who sat beside her, shook his head.

“Only the commander knows that. He’s in solitary confinement for a reason, right?” He answered slowly, calmly.

“I know, _I knew_ , and I didn’t stop it!” Clarke raged, hitting her head against her knees. Bellamy didn’t understand the full weight of what she had said, what she had truly meant.

“Clarke, what could you have done? You’d just be stuck in there with him.” He gently reminded her.

Clarke lifted her head up to look at him. Her face was stained with crisscrossing tear tracks; her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. She looked utterly defeated and she felt it with every bone in her body.

“Would that be so bad?” She wondered softly, brokenly.

“Would your father want you in there?” He countered. She shook her head weakly.

“No.”

“So, fight. Keep living and make him proud.” Bellamy urged her. She hadn’t noticed that he had scooted closer to her and she found herself very close to his face.

His freckles reminded her of constellations and his words echoed through her universe.

_Make him proud._

_Fight._

~

The morning that Jake Griffin was floated was the worst day of Clarke’s life. She had launched herself at him, begging and pleading for him to just stay with her, for the council to pardon him. With his watch pressed into her palm, she was pulled away from his grasp by two unknown guards.

Clarke clung to Wells as she watched hopelessly as her father was led into the airlock. She refused to touch or acknowledge her mother, who stood by Marcus Kane stoically with Jake’s wedding ring strung around her neck.

Clarke collapsed when she saw her father mouth the words, “Love you, kiddo,” before he was ejected into cold oblivion.

Her screams of sorrow projected themselves throughout the station, an unneeded reminder to passers-by of the Ark’s judicial system.

Most everyone had experienced this type of loss. Clarke had hoped her turn to would never come.

~

In the days following her father’s death, Clarke confined herself to her room. Her mother pushed food through her door, but she didn’t eat much. She was consumed by grief and by determination.

_Make him proud._

_Fight._

She would do just that.

Lying back on her bed, Clarke fiddled with a piece of paper and one of her sketching pencils. She had decided to write down as much as she could remember from the dream she had had so many weeks ago. It was hard, though. As she probed her memory, it felt like a sieve.

_She couldn’t remember all the details_.

She flung her pencil across the room in frustration. It hit the opposite wall with a tiny crack before falling to the floor. She looked at the list she had started, desperation creeping in when she knew there were holes:

  * ~~Oxygen – Dad floated.~~ Clarke - solitary confinement for a year. (avoided)
  * Octavia exists, arrested? Bellamy’s mom floated, loses cadetship... _When_? _How_?
  * Wells arrested to get on dropship… _How?_
  * Bellamy shoots Chancellor Jaha, gets on dropship
  * Dropship to Earth, two boys killed on landing, _Earth survivable_
    * Dropship leaves in approx. one year



Clarke was furious with herself – how could she possibly change anything when she couldn’t remember everything the way that she needed to? She remembered the feel of dewy grass underneath her fingertips and of how warm the sun felt on her skin, but she couldn’t remember when Octavia had been discovered. She knew she had heard the story, but the words were just beyond the reach of her memory.

Clarke took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly to calm herself. The dropship leaves in a year – she had time to figure out what she had to do and how she was going to do it.

She stroked the smooth glass of her father’s watch. She needed to make things right – she had to.

“I promise, Dad, I’ll make you proud.” Clarke whispered to her ceiling, closing her eyes and holding his precious watch over her heart.

She prayed that, as she slept, she would revisit the dream that now meant so much to her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit short, but it felt right that way. I'm sooo sorry hahah ;)   
> Thanks as always to the lovely Kayla for beta-ing <3


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